on my mind this week.....
take a moment to appreciate....
10/9/2015 0 Comments patience and kindnessOne of the key tenets of mindfulness, but still very difficult for people to master is that ability to be kind and patient with themselves.
Having just returned from a silent retreat, a pretty distraction free zone, noting more clearly than ever the tendency of the mind to wander! Cultivating patience and kindness when we bring the mind back stops that element of struggle. Bringing self compassion in can be difficult. The monk running the retreat set us a task.....write down 5 times when you did something good, or made a decision that benefitted others. Then sit and mull over these times, bringing all of the feelings back, reminding yourself of the positive consequences of your actions. This is a lovely way to spark that feeling of generosity toward oneself. Notice over the next few days how you speak to yourself. If you lose something or are late - do you chide yourself and get frustrated? what would it take to change that to an understanding tone, a supportive comment? Speaking to ourselves as kindly as we would speak to a loved one is one of the main themes I teach. Try it, be your own best friend x
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8/27/2015 0 Comments Santosa...I've just returned from an amazing few days with a dear friend, at a yoga camp named 'Santosa'.
The word comes from the eight limbs of yoga, and is said to mean contentment, the happy acceptance of what is arising, the capacity to be with what is, just as it is. Easy to say, but how many of us actually mange that very often? It was wet, often cold, tents blew away, sometimes there wasn't enough food, lots of classes were cancelled or didn't materialise as teachers didn't turn up, or had to stay away due to drama in their lives....and yet it was mainly very cheery, with plenty of people supporting and helping each other in a good natured way. Now home, in the warm and dry, I find myself reflecting on how inspiring that experience was, so great to be around people approaching life in that way. The camp is family orientated, with kids milling in and out around the classes, absorbing this approach. Unconditional love and acceptance. On the way home I passed by my mum's house, greeted with snacks and some food she had made me to take home for my dinner as she knew I wouldn't have time to shop later. How lovely to be able to find peace in this moment, just as it is, whatever it provides, rather than hanging onto what the moment 'should' be like. How often we bring grudges into our daily transactions, keeping count of what someone has or hasn't done for or to us? How often do we ascribe meaning to someones actions, that need not be there? Deciding that because they have or haven't done something, they don't love or approve of us? Golly, don't we make life complicated!!! I shall be choosing to keep this word alive in my heart, so by all means prod me me if I'm not :) Namaste all xx 7/14/2015 0 Comments Are you listening?I mean really listening? Or are you waiting to speak? Waiting to see if you agree with that person? Waiting to see if you have got anything to add to the discussion, or can help them in any way? Waiting to be able to show what you know, who you are? Although we may think we are, generally the answer to that question is no, not really.
Oft quoted 'If you know what you are going to say, you have probably already stopped listening' is quite a stark reminder of this. Listening really is not the same as waiting to speak, and there are many reasons that we don't really listen properly. Often we want to help, offer advice, 'reassure' the other person by telling them it's not as bad as they are making out, or sometimes we just want to disagree as they are 'wrong'. I was at a conference yesterday on yoga and mindfulness for teens when I was reminded of one of the principles of non violent communication.......ask yourself, is it more important to be right or to connect? It strikes me that if we are not listening to others, we are unlikely to be really listening to ourselves - no I don't mean the endless chatter that goes on in the brain, I mean listening to that quiet still voice that can't get a word in edgeways as it's drowned out by noise, media, tv, busyness and negative judgements..... In a world where we often feel stressed, over busy, isolated and exhausted, being listened to is such a gift. A real moment of connection. To feel really heard is wonderful, to be able to speak what you are feeling and not be corrected or disagreed with. For someone to show that in that moment whatever you are feeling is ok. Try it, and let me know how you get on. I for one shall be trying to use my ears more this week and zip up my mouth!! Namaste all xx 6/15/2015 0 Comments busy-nessHave you noticed how more and more people are just too busy!
It seems to be catching and it feels like we are in danger of wearing it as a badge of honour. Though mainly when people tell me they are 'too busy' there is an element of stress in that sentence, denoting that we have got too many things happening at once, and so cannot enjoy them. Or that we are doing all of these things because they are 'expected' of us, therefore it is a chore...... So we are 'competing' to be more busy, and then not enjoying that?? hmmmm I love the Stephen Covey quote "The way you spend your time is a result of the way you see your time" This helps us to see the element of choice in how we spend our time. All to often we are kidding ourselves that we 'have' to do something rather than accepting that it is a choice and that we just don't want to consider the consequences of not doing it. Life being a balance of risks and gains and give and take. When we start to listen to ourselves and honour that small voice inside, we can start to make choices based on our own needs. This may still be difficult as there will always be plenty of choice of activities, chores, leisure options etc and it will mean saying no to some things. But once we understand that a no to one thing is a yes to another, e.g. no to a night out is a yes to some quiet time alone resting or catching up on a good book, for those who don't like to say no, this can help transform our relationship with it. Looking after ourselves is not selfish, its a common sense way to be at your best, then you can help other people better! Practising mindfulness and meditation help us to find the stillness to start to hear that voice, to understand how we tick, to learn that you are not your thoughts. to help us to sit still for once and relearn how to focus on one thing at a time, a skill we seem to be losing. I'm sure you can recall the restful effect of being so engrossed in a film or a game of something that you forgot about everything else? Time to start focussing on one thing at a time and truly being with that experience As ever, just musing, happy to hear from you, take what resonates and leave the rest. Namaste x 3/18/2015 1 Comment Happiness....The subject of happiness is in the press even more as we gear up to International Happiness Day on Friday 20th.
Have you seen the Ten Keys to happiness from Action for Happiness? Well worth looking at... I've been using them for many years in work place settings so its good to see more and more interest in happiness, what it is, and how do we get it. Ask most people what they'd like and to be happy is often one of their top answers. A lot of people believe that happiness is dependent solely on their external circumstances and so it is left to chance. All too often life is overwhelming and it seems difficult to be happy until conditions improve. What we now know is that happiness is a skill and we can work on improving happiness levels. A great read on the subject is "Happiness by Design" by Paul Dolan, looking at what makes us happy and suggesting ways to cultivate our own happiness. Understanding the science behind it can really help it make sense for us, paving the way for change. Meditation and Mindfulness are tools that we n use to help us. Mindfulness is being aware of the present moment, in a non judging fashion, just experiencing it for what it is. This opens us up to the simplicity of right now, rather than being stuck in our stories of past regrets, future concerns, or 'shoulds' and 'expectations'. Accepting things as they are is one of the keys to happiness and once we accept something we can usually move through it, and change if we wish to. When we live in the present moment, the simplest things can be a real cause for joy: a tasty meal, a sunny day, a warm bed, a child smiling. We miss so many moments when we are locked into thinking mode. today, try to be fully present, giving your full attention to someone you are talking to, or spend a few moments in nature, or eat your meal with no distractions (tv, phone etc) savouring each mouthful. Meditation improves happiness too, people who meditate regularly report feeling less stressed and anxious, more creative, more in control of their emotions, and feel more empathy and compassion which improve feelings of connection - again a key to feeling happy. Meditation also increases the serotonin levels in the brain, increasing happiness levels. So come along to one of my groups, try some meditation and mindfulness, sharing chat with others who are learning too. Full guidance given, no experience necessary. Be the happiest you x 2/11/2015 0 Comments and so to love......It's a week where there are images of pink and hearts everywhere, which can be challenging for some. My theme for all groups this week, kids and adults has been about love.....and how we can love ourselves.
One of the commonest themes I come across in my work is that people put themselves last, or treat others much better than they treat themselves. Somehow we have got this idea that its selfish to look after ourselves, and wrong to have a positive regard for ourself. We indulge in negative self talk, self criticism and unreasonable expectations. It seems that we can only love ourselves once we are perfect....hence the criticism. Mindfulness teaches us to be aware of this self talk and once we are aware of it we can choose otherwise. That's not to say that we shouldn't strive for betterment, no, if there are things you want to aim for, or improve, go right ahead and put that plan into action......just don't make your love for yourself conditional. If we all loved ourselves for who we are, regardless, then we would feel happier and healthier, and more likely to be able to improve at things as we wouldn't be wasting so much energy berating ourselves. Soooo whether you have a valentine or not, start to treat yourself with love. Don't wait for someone to cook you a nice meal, do that anyway. Buy yourself a bunch of flowers or a bar of chocolate. Don't mooch around in your oldest tattiest clothes.....there is someone important who can see you - that's you! Send messages to yourself that you are important, because you are. My favoured saying this week is the wisdom from Buddha "you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" Have a lovely week Jane 1/6/2015 1 Comment happy new year....Looking back over 2014, an amazing year of lots of change and challenges, how was yours?
I wish for you a 2015 full of all that you desire......the question is, are you ready? As a starting point, just setting an intention to be ready to welcome in that which you desire can help to set the wheels in motion. Clear out the old, physically and emotionally, to make space for the new..... Be ready to receive all that you desire, dream big, work hard, actively seek out all opportunities, look closely at every new door to work out whether to walk through it. I have this quote clamped to the front of my boiler "The doors we open and close every day decide the lives we lead" Flora Whittlemore 12/22/2014 1 Comment Happy festive season to you all....I wish you a time of love and connection, reach out to those around you, revel in the small mundane details of life, review the past year, learn from the tricky bits and celebrate the rest, celebrate it all!! enjoy the rain, eat mindfully, cherish those people who are in your life, forgive those who have harmed you and gracefully move away from them, catch up on your sleep, chat to a pet, breathe, get some fresh air, look at the sky, have fun, give the gift of your presence, sing dance and be merry. And for all those who find this a difficult time of year, my heart goes out to you....this too will pass and we will become stronger, namaste x
As our American neighbours celebrate Thanksgiving, I've been musing on gratitude and connectedness. How the seemingly small act of thanking someone for something they have done, or are, can leave both you and the recipient feeling so much better....and its free! Try it, though it can become a bit addictive
Having practised mindfulness for some time, I can report that one of the lovely side effects (or gains, if you will) of the practice is feeling more connected, a part of everything else. This sense of belonging, and not existing in isolation is vital to our wellbeing. The Lonely Society - a report commissioned by The Mental health Foundation 2010 talks of increases in mental health disorders as we become more individualistic (cited in a Phillipa Perry article February this year in the Guardian - Loneliness is killing us) and last month The Office for national statistics declared Britain to be the loneliness capital of Europe. Surely a massive irony in today's so called 'connected' society! and whatever your thoughts on advertising, I notice that Bisto have used this notion to launch their 'project together' which is around having a table to sit at together and interact.....which many people now no longer do or can do, maybe because they don't have a table or they don't have anyone to connect with. So maybe, next time we sit down with friends or family, we can savour that experience all the more, being mindful of how lucky we are.....even though sometimes it may not feel like it when there is chaos at the table and a big pile of pots and pans to deal with afterwards!! Lots of people say to me, but what can I do to change things.....there is only one of me? Generally there is wisdom to quote here such as - Gandhi - "be the change you wish to see" or Margaret Mead "never doubt that a small group of thoughtful people, committed citizens can change the world. indeed its the only thing that ever has" and the 'tipping point' is said to be only 10%....yes, if only 10% of the people hold an unshakeable belief in something, this will have an impact upon society. So for now, maybe we can leave aside all notions of power and cynicism and take part in reaching out to others, and being a part of a connected society, improving both our own and others wellbeing. Connect and be kind, give away your time, your smile, your old stuff - clearing out those closets and shelves also really does help a cluttered mind, giving more space to breathe... I'm sure you've seen the little film that has been doing the rounds..."Look up" if not, check it out. Thought provoking stuff... As ever, these are just my musings and opinions on general subjects, so feel free to take what resonates and leave the rest Jane x 10/7/2014 1 Comment Autumn - looks like its arrived!After a long end to the summer, looks like the weather is on the turn, and the leaves on the tress are starting to change colour.
As with everything in nature, there is a purpose here and I was reminded the other day of why they do that, that during the winter there is not enough light or water for photosynthesis so the leaves will cease their function as 'food making factories'. The trees will need to rest and live of the reserves that they have stored during the summer. This process means that the green chlorophyll disappears from the leaves and in its place we see the other colours, some of them like the yellow and orange have been there all along, but have been hidden by the strong green, and the others like the deeper reds are caused by glucose trapped in the leaves. Either way, they go out in a blaze of glory and then into 'hibernation' for the coming months, once they have let go the leaves..... I love this idea, what can we let go of now, that can aid our movement forward? Then how do we nurture ourselves in the coming months? I am running a workshop on 9th November with a wonderful colleague and friend Katie Light, where we will offer guidance to support you from Autumn into Winter. Come and join us for a fun, relaxing and nurturing day 10-4 at Westmeston Village Hall near Ditchling. It is a beautiful setting, right in the Downs. Look forward to a combination of fun and inspiring exercises, guided meditations and relaxations. We will all bring food to enjoy a shared lunch together and take a mindful walk, weather permitting. Our aim is for you to leave feeling inspired, grounded and supported, back in balance on your journey ahead. |
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